Uncle Block's Advice

I am getting ready to go out of town for approx 45 days and need some advice. My wife will be at home but she only feels comfortable topping of the water, feeding, and adding my supplements (calcium, iodine, and etc...... I have a 135 gallon with fish and corals and will be doing a 20 gallon water change before I leave. Do I have anything to worry about? Also, I have a 4" deep sand/crushed coral bottom. Lately I have bubbles forming in the substrate and eventually making their way to the surface. I stir the substrate to get rid of them and a few days later they are back. What are they caused by and is it harmful? Thanks for any advice you can offer.

Dave

Dear Dave,

Never was there a day when I would shy away from a conundrum.... but your situation has me veering perilously close.

My wife is exactly the same. Well, partially the same. She also feels comfortable feeding whenever I go away. Too comfortable in fact because when I return I could swear she's put on another ten pounds. I have tried to get her to add some of my supplements to her diet. Though iodine deficiency is rare I have noticed she has the following symptoms:

• cretinism
• mental retardation.
• lack of concentration
• poor memory
• sluggishness.

The sluggishness could be more closely related to the weight gain but it remains hard to tell.

My wife is also plagued with a hump in her back, scoliosis (curvature of the spine), kyphosis (rounded shoulders) and she seems to be getting shorter. While this could be a clear sign of a calcium deficiency it could also be a result of her rather sedentary lifestyle.

This is another reason I don't like going away. I never know what the house will look like when I get back. Last time this occured I returned to find a huge pile of dishes in the sink, pizza boxes and empty beer bottles strewn all over the living room and there was vomit all over the bathroom floor.

You think you have problems!

Now, you say you have a 135 gallon. A 135 gallon what? Refrigerator? The answer to this question is crucial to an understanding of your dilemma. You say it is with fish and coral... though it is not unusual to see fish in someone's refrigerator, the presence of coral is exceedingly rare. I suggest you remove the coral to make more room for the storage of perishables.

It is important for you to know that coral is not someting we humans normally eat. If you are indeed using your fridge to store coral it suggests perhaps you are, in fact, eating this substance. This might explain the problems you are having with your posterior zone - "I have a 4" deep sand/crushed coral bottom." Yew! That does sound painful.

I have heard of a report of an individual whose rectum was full of sand. I think the problem could be solved rather quickly. First of all, you are just going to have to say "NO" to any further ingestion of sand and coral. These materials are certainly the main cause of your symptoms.

Further treatment will involve stimulation and evacuation by finger manipulation. Do this for about 3 minutes daily, using lubricating jell. Try not to eat anything for the first few days. It would be helpful if you could get an infusion of dextrose and saline and take a few bars of Exlax every few hours.

Do you have any other symptoms? If there is abdominal pain, bloating, and constipation or diarrhea you may also have Crohn's disease or irritable bowel syndrome. See your doctor about this right away.

The bubbles forming in the substrate are probably just intestinal gas unable to escape via normal means. Until you get rid of the coral and sand blocking your colon this problem may continue. Try to avoid eating foods known to cause flatulence. In the meantime, if you feel you must continue stirring the substrate by hand to get rid of the bubbles make sure you wash thouroghly afterwards using a strong antibacterial soap and brushing vigorously. Caution: do not use a toothbrush for this task, at least not a toothbrush anyone intends to use again.

Once you arrive at a point where you can defecate normally you should be able to go away on your 45 day trip with few problems.

You appear also to have a unique bladder problem. How is you are able to perform a 20 gallon water change before you leave? The last time I measured I was giving off about 12 ounces or so... this during an evening of heavy beer consumption. Try to cut back on the amount of liquids you drink, especially water. If you disregard this salient piece of advice you run the risk of developing hyponatremia.