Uncle Block's Advice

CAN ANYONE GIVE ME ANY INFO ABOUT HOUSEHUSBANDS. OR DOES ANYONE NO ANY

DEFINATION

HOUSEHUSBANDS

(HUSBANDS WHO DO THE HOUSEWORK WHILE THE WOMAN WORKS)

Uncle Block Replies:

I am so happy to have someone ask me about this subject. You see, I have been a househusband myself hence I am able to provide first hand an in depth account of the uniquely stimulating task of being a househusband.

Actually, I was being facetious there. Househusbandry is not a thing the average guy wants to get stuck doing. Now, if you're the kind of guy who likes knitting and sewing, flower arranging and gossiping you may find househusbandry very satisfying. If you often find yourself interupting political discussions around the kitchen tables of friends to remark on the wonderful curtains, or to ask the hostess where she bought her dress etc. househusbandry may be an exact fit.

Even though househusbandry is really not a "guy thing" right now, someday this may all change. If the feminazis get their way we shall reach an point so advanced in social evolution that the government will start paying wages for housework.

Once househusbands become government employees they can join up with one of those blood-sucking public sector unions and tap into the pockets of those private sector suckers toiling away in non-union jobs for peanuts.

However, for the time being we must focus on the business of househusbandry in it's current form which involves the following tasks:

• scrubbing floors
• washing dishes
• cleaning up kid messes and spills
• cooking
• vacuuming
• doing laundry
• changing diapers
• cleaning up kid messes and spills
• wiping snot from noses
• shopping for groceries
• cleaning toilets
• cleaning up kid messes and spills
• licking floors

Licking floors? Absolutely, there is no better way to demonstrate how clean your floors are (and thus how proficient a househusband you are) than to get down and start licking the floor whenever guests arrive. You may even want to serve the occasional meal right there on the floor. Then you can just wipe the area down instead of washing a shitload of dishes.

Seriously though guys. You don't want to spend your days involved in such thankless drudgery. Despair not I say! There are several foolproof ways of getting out of doing most of the tasks listed above. All employ a basic principle: apparent incompetence.

For example, when you try doing laundry just grab all of the clothes and dump them in a pile beside the washer. Then pack as much stuff as will fit into the washing machine. If by some accident the clothes are sorted make sure you unsort them. Toss in whites with colored's, wool with perma-press and any other ridiculous permutation you can think of. Clean everything using the hotest water possible for both washing and rinsing.

When the clothes come out make sure you dump everything in the dryer. Cook it all for two or three hours.

Once your wife sees the result of your labour I guarantee you will never have to do laundry again!

When it's time to clean the bathroom just take a dirty old rag and wipe it around the sink a few times. You do not want to leave any major irritants around jeopardizing your strategy so at all costs make certain you get rid of any evidence of shaving from the sink. Get one of those flexible shower nozzles and give the tub a quick spray... try to direct any hairs and other unsightly crap toward the drain. Avoid having to clean the toilet... this job really stinks. Keep the toilet as clean as possible by sitting down to take a leak as well as when performing more serious business.

If you have to clean the toilet get some of that cheap no-name bowl cleaner, spray it around the inside of the bowl and flush. That should take care of it.

If there are ugly brown stains on the bowl that remain after you have "cleaned" it with with no-name you may have to urinate standing up for a while. You need to get as much height as possible to ensure the urine is travelling at maximum speed when it contacts the bowl. Then simply aim the stream at the brown stains hoping to dislodge them. This method is most effective when the stains are still fresh so be vigilant. Then a simple flush is all that is required to arrive at a househusband's version of a spotless bathroom.

When your wife gets home from work and asks if you have finished cleaning the bathroom tell her "yes". After she has inspected it she will return and say, "it doesn't look very clean to me!" You reply should be a short and sweet, "Well, I did clean it."

Hold the course on this strategy. It may not work at first but steadfast adherence to the technique described will eventually get you off the hook.

Getting out of washing the dishes has got to be the easiest thing of all. Just make sure you wash any greasy pots and pans first. Then do the plates and bowls and stuff. Leave the glassware until last. Your glassware will all come out bearing a disgusting looking film of grease and other bits and pieces of detritus. If possible, pour a cup of extra pulp orange juice into the sink before washing the glassware. There is nothing like a "clean" glass with bits of orange juice pulp stuck all over it.

I have provided you with a few recommendations for ways of getting out of doing certain chores. Using your imagination, similar principles can be applied with the aim of avoiding almost all of the responsibilities listed above.

Once your wife has been adequately trained you may discover househusbandry is much more to your liking. While she is out working you can be at home dicking around on the internet, or boozing and smoking with your other househusband buddies. You may even find the time to join up with those feminazis and attend protests at legislatures demanding your "right" to wages for housework.(nudge, nudge, wink, wink!)

You see, it's all a matter of how you look at it. Househusbandry might not be such a bad thing after all.