Uncle Block's Advice

As you all know by now, I have been a regular contributor to the scholarly online journal known as Uncle Block's Gazette. It is through this marvelous medium that I am able to share my superlative intellectual insights and discoveries.

Today we turn our attention to a very serious issue with far reaching consequences for society. At first glance, the merits of hot dog use may seem less than worthy of scholarly discussion. It would be a serious mistake to allow such an impression to stifle further investigation.

Hot dog's can be eaten or smoked. As reported in a recent newspaper article hot dog eating can be a luxurious dining pleasure. Hot dog eating pales in comparison to the truly mind expanding religious ecstacy experienced by burning and inhaling the smoke of a hot dog.

It should be pointed out at this juncture that over-dependence on the non-medicinal use of hot dog smoke can drive the user into a state of chronic God intoxication not unlike that which afflicts a number of horny evangelists.

Potential hot dog users would therefore be advised to consider the possible negative side effects before embarking on any casual daliance with the dog scene.

On the other hand, the proliferation of dog use may boost the economy. Some local businesses are considering the potential for profits in the production and sale of hot dog paraphernalia.

Mechanics from the MacErate Bakery and Pesticide Depot are currently tooling up for the production of gummed hot dog buns. Some users have reported an enhanced experience when smoking the hot dog along with the bun. Other users prefer to smoke the bun separately.

Naturally, politicians are also beginning to show interest in the wiener's roll in an increasingly global economy. Until now, hot dogs purchased from grocery stores have been untaxed as a food item. Growing use of hot dogs for the purpose of recreational and/or religious intoxication raises the issue of the dog's taxation status.

Users need not wait for the marketplace to begin supplying paraphernalia. Some early dog heads have devised brilliant techniques using readily available products. One method shown to provide adequate results involves cutting the hot dog up into small pieces and putting them on the hot end of a burning cigarette. The effluent is sucked through a straw.

Premier Daltoff McGuintler has expressed alarm at the growing popularity of hot dogs and the proliferation of "pig suckers" as users colloquially refer to themselves. Citing the need to "work together", McGuintler is considering opening a series of provincially funded simmer camps where pig suckers can go to cool off once the province has enacted new and confiscatory taxes on their favorite product.

When asked if the proposed imposition would not alienate a politically powerless segment of the population McGuintler retorted, "Well, they can always suck eggs."