Uncle Block's Advice

thursday i hurt my back lifting stuff .. i've always had intermittent minor back pain, but it was really bad thursday and on friday it got worse, and on saturday it got even worse, it was so bad on saturday i couldn't believe how bad it got come sunday, until monday that is when it was even worse than it had been before. Then i got a headache, and finally went to urgent care at the end of the day. Then the headache got even worse on tuesday so i went to the emergency ward at noon. by wednesday, the headache was so bad i forgot all about the back pain and went to the morgue.

and that fucking asshole downstairs keeps on hammering that nail back up through the goddam floor. I keep stepping on it in my bare feet. This is really starting to hurt. What's he trying to do down there anyway? Hang a picture on the fucking ceiling?

monday, i went to work at 8 and left at 9:30 because it was really bad.. and I was all out of booze and serzone. today, tuesday, i went in at 8 and went home right away, unable to do anything.

i slept most of the day yesterday, thought i got a lot of rest... but by morning i was in a hot, sweaty chill (the only thing i can compare it to is the withdrawal sweats, parts of my body very hot and parts very cold) and my back was hurting, and my head also aching as it has all weekend.

and that fucking asshole downstairs keeps on playing that fucking classical music.... "Everybody Loves Somebody" and "Do You Know The Way To San Jose" over and over again.

man I could use a drink right now. the case of beer i bought thursday with the quart of rum was gone before I even got to work.

so today when my usual doc's office opens at 10:15, i'm going to call for an appointment. i just don't know what to say when i get to the office. i am on a prescription for chloroform and valium.. i just started the chloroform and have been taking it faithfully for a few weeks (so it will show up if he tests for it i guess) and i ran out of my 30 10mg valiums a couple of days ago. i'm pretty sure this isn't benzo withdrawal btw.. on friday the urgent care clinic doctor told me to rest and gave me cyclobenzaprine and percocet. i'm out of both of those, too.

what i really want out of this visit is the drugs i need... right now being at work is the most important thing for me, and even if i had to go back to massive doses of benzos i'd take on the habit just to get settled at the job. i think they have a couch and a fridge in the back room at work where i can get settled comfortably. i hope they supply the dope and booze 'cause i just don't have enough coin to cover my needs during the workday. this is very disruptive. it would be a lot easier if the government just supplied me with all the dope and booze i need. then i wouldn't have to go to work... or i could telecommute or something.

and that fucking asshole downstairs.... every night.... just as i am getting ready to go to bed.... usually around 5:30 am... he gets into an argument with that fat wife of his... and once she gets going there's no sleep for me... she has a voice like a fucking saint bernard dog bark. woof, woof, woof.

my doctor knows my psychiatric drug history, and i'm going to tell him about friday.. but aside from telling him i "smoke pot sometimes" and occasionaly references to "when i was in high school" he isn't really aware of my drug history...

i know he's fairly intelligent and it turns out a friend of mine went to him when he was younger and when his parents wanted to have him drug-tested, the doc said "there's no reason to have a thing like that in your file. it just looks bad." or something. but he's definitely not someone who will simply write prescriptions because you tell him you need 300 OC 80's.. that's why i go to several doctors.

to confuse things even more, i have other questions/concerns i want to discuss with him... like since the last visit(when i got the chloroform and valium) i've been getting a twitch in my right eye that i've never had before.. how do i present my case? i don't want to sound crazy or like i'm "faking it" cause i'm just not.. i just need to get this done with a minimum of hassle and bills (no health insurance, no booze money) and all that

i really think i need is some more oxy and valium, and maybe a few hits of heroin, a little pot, some LSD and a bottle of scotch. its a muscle injury that just isn't going to be "cured" by anything but resting and stretching, maybe exercising when i get better, and a few beers with some southern comfort and a joint or two of some good hydro. just need short-term relief for the back and headache pain (between the temples) and the sweating and nausea that comes with it. and the anxiety caused by the huge fucking bills and the fact that i've missed almost 2 full days of work not to mention my bar tab. and i have this involuntary reaction in my right leg which causes me to keep kicking myself in the ass...

and that fucking asshole downstairs... always complaining about his aches and pains and how he can't find a decent job where they supply all the booze and dope for free.... and always telling me he ain't got no money whenever i try to borrow some. how can he afford all that classical music if he ain't got no money?

I would complain to the landlord, but he is the landlord. he seems to think i should pay him something for living here. i told him i ain't payin' no more rent until he replaces the tv set i threw out the window when i was drunk.

i know i'm all over the place here, that's why i need help clarifying exactly what i'm going to say. any advice would be appreciated..

Uncle Block Replies:

it sounds like you may have a bowel problem. try eating more fibre.

i wouldn't worry about work if you are an american. just threaten your employer with a lawsuit under the americans with disabilities act. this should scare them into providing "reasonable accomodation" measures.... like that couch and well stocked fridge.

as far as your trouble with the landlord goes, try plugging up the toilet with toilet paper. then give it a few flushes so it overflows and floods his apartment. maybe you can get him to move out.

if that doesn't work go to the market and buy a great big fish. then sneak down the basement and tie the fish inside one of the heating supply ducts. once the fish starts to decompose it should really start to stink the place up. 'course, you'll probably smell it too but with all of your other problems what's a little rotten fish smell... you could pretend you are living in baltimore.

Note: to baltimorians, please don't take offense, but it's the first thing i think of when i think of baltimore. decades ago i was driving around baltimore trying to buy a tent. i couldn't figure out why everywhere i went reeked of rotting fish until i noticed i was driving behind a garbage truck with a bunch of huge fish carcasses hanging out the back. Yuk.